Look out Coke and Pepsi, There's a New Soda in Town!

There is a new soft drink that is set to take the world by storm. From the country that brought us Ghandi, The Taj Mahal, and Bollywood, comes a new era in personal refreshment. "Gau Jal" or Cow Piss as it's known outside of India is making waves in the heavily competitive soft drink industry.

From The Times: India's Hindu nationalist movement is nearly complete in the development of a new soft drink made from cow urine. This product is being developed by the Cow Protection Department (no I did not make that up, but I wish I did) of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group.

Om Prakash, the head of the department, said the drink – called "gau jal", or "cow water" – in Sanskrit was undergoing laboratory tests and would be launched "very soon, maybe by the end of this year".

"Don't worry, it won't smell like urine and will be tasty too," he told The Times from his headquarters in Hardwar, one of four holy cities on the River Ganges. "Its USP will be that it's going to be very healthy. It won't be like carbonated drinks and would be devoid of any toxins."

That is of course assuming you do not consider piss to be a toxin. The Department of Cow Protection has recently retained a team of consultants to determine how to best position the product to compete directly with Coca Cola and Pepsi. Currently the DCP is in negotiations to secure R. Kelley as the official spokesperson. Details to follow.

Octowhore Wants to Tell Amazing Story

I think it will go something like this. I have a personality disorder that gives me a craving for attention that can never be satisfied. I thought when I was younger that banging any guy that would look my way would make me feel better, but it did not work. Then one day while my mother was caring for my six children, I thought, that's it. I will have more. If I birth them, they will come. Angelina, eat your heart out. Oprah, suck my ass if you think my story is worth anything less than two million. Once I have more children people will always remember me, I will be famous. Worst case, I get some sweet welfare cash.

Want to give a special shot out to Joosh for his consultation on this piece.

Phelps - High Times Man of the Year

Well not really, but after all can you imagine how high this guy can get with that lung capacity? Glad to see they are not making too big of a deal about this as far as the Olympic Committee goes. Well care or not, he is still a great athlete and he is still a youngin, so let's just hope it ends with this tomfoolery. Obviously his brain is on reserve til he hits the water. Come on Phelps, if you are going to get high, don't take pictures of it, then you can deny it like everyone else does.