Acid Gurl's Satire via Clipartistry

Look out Coke and Pepsi, There's a New Soda in Town!

2009-02-12T20:17:00.005-06:00

There is a new soft drink that is set to take the world by storm. From the country that brought us Ghandi, The Taj Mahal, and Bollywood, comes a new era in personal refreshment. "Gau Jal" or Cow Piss as it's known outside of India is making waves in the heavily competitive soft drink industry.

From The Times: India's Hindu nationalist movement is nearly complete in the development of a new soft drink made from cow urine. This product is being developed by the Cow Protection Department (no I did not make that up, but I wish I did) of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group.
Om Prakash, the head of the department, said the drink – called "gau jal", or "cow water" – in Sanskrit was undergoing laboratory tests and would be launched "very soon, maybe by the end of this year".
"Don't worry, it won't smell like urine and will be tasty too," he told The Times from his headquarters in Hardwar, one of four holy cities on the River Ganges. "Its USP will be that it's going to be very healthy. It won't be like carbonated drinks and would be devoid of any toxins."

That is of course assuming you do not consider piss to be a toxin. The Department of Cow Protection has recently retained a team of consultants to determine how to best position the product to compete directly with Coca Cola and Pepsi. Currently the DCP is in negotiations to secure R. Kelley as the official spokesperson. Details to follow.

Octowhore Wants to Tell Amazing Story

2009-02-10T20:52:00.003-06:00

I think it will go something like this. I have a personality disorder that gives me a craving for attention that can never be satisfied. I thought when I was younger that banging any guy that would look my way would make me feel better, but it did not work. Then one day while my mother was caring for my six children, I thought, that's it. I will have more. If I birth them, they will come. Angelina, eat your heart out. Oprah, suck my ass if you think my story is worth anything less than two million. Once I have more children people will always remember me, I will be famous. Worst case, I get some sweet welfare cash.

Want to give a special shot out to Joosh for his consultation on this piece.

Phelps - High Times Man of the Year

2009-02-02T21:00:00.003-06:00

Well not really, but after all can you imagine how high this guy can get with that lung capacity? Glad to see they are not making too big of a deal about this as far as the Olympic Committee goes. Well care or not, he is still a great athlete and he is still a youngin, so let's just hope it ends with this tomfoolery. Obviously his brain is on reserve til he hits the water. Come on Phelps, if you are going to get high, don't take pictures of it, then you can deny it like everyone else does.

What Would Jesus Do?

2009-01-26T20:40:00.006-06:00

He would dunk on those bitches, that's what he'd do.

So should this guy get fired for running up the score at a girls high school basketball game. OK, here is the summary, bigger school vs. 20 student all girl school. The end result 40% of the small school's students also happen to be on the basketball team. So apparently this small school doesn't have the best record, they have failed to win at all. So by halftime the score is 59 - 0. At game end, 100 - 0.

So, also, lets add they are both private Christian schools, and the small school specializes in teaching girls with special needs. Not like special Olympics special, just like dylsexia and attention disorders.

Maybe if the kids could pay attention, they would be better ball players. I think they should give the coach a bonus for creating the first ever exciting to watch girls basketball game.

Hamas Declares Victory!!!

2009-01-23T22:51:00.003-06:00

There is really nothing to say with this one, hard to argue with that logic as long as the criteria for winning is met in the following ways:
1. You have like 100 times more casualties than your opponent
2. Your opponent withdrawls because there is nothing else to bomb
3. Your opponent is able with the flip of a switch send you back in time a few hundred years.

YOU WIN HAMAS!!! You sure showed them crazy Jews, they will think twice about invading your turf again in a few months.

AP Photo

Mormoms You Are Totally American

2009-01-23T22:30:00.006-06:00

Tom Hanks caved in this week and apologized for calling the Mormoms un-American
From FoxNews.com

Tom Hanks says he's sorry he told FOXNews.com that Mormons who supported California's constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage were "un-American."

"Last week, I labeled members of the Mormon church who supported California's Proposition 8 as 'un-American,'" the actor said in a statement through his publicist. "I believe Proposition 8 is counter to the promise of our Constitution; it is codified discrimination."

"But everyone has a right to vote their conscience; nothing could be more American," the statement continues. "To say members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints who contributed to Proposition 8 are 'un-American' creates more division when the time calls for respectful disagreement. No one should use 'un- American' lightly or in haste. I did. I should not have."

Tom went on to say, that he was just moved by the decision because his high school drama teacher was a gay Mormon.

Good Luck Steve

2009-01-19T17:46:00.004-06:00

Well, my buddy Fake Steve stopped posting a long time ago out of respect for the health of Jobso. So I will follow the same path, good luck, o maker of the ipod, the coolest single product that I own. The only thing better was the addition of the Genius feature for folks like me that are constantly hitting the 'next' button.

Hopefully a new liver will get you back on your feet again and developing cool products and beating on your employees.

Good luck, get well soon.

Don't Call it a Comeback

2009-01-18T10:39:00.001-06:00

So my little hiatus is done and I guess its time for me to get back into the groove and maybe start writing every now and then.

Gettin' all Political

2008-03-16T18:16:00.001-05:00

Don't send a lame eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Another Well Planned Sign

2008-01-29T19:55:00.000-06:00

Been awhile....
I was on a shoot recently on the beautiful beaches in Sarasota, FL. As I walked near the beach I noticed several bus stops. I figured with all of the popularity with 2girls1cup.com, it was only appropriate to share. Enjoy.

This is Just Cool

2008-01-08T23:02:00.000-06:00

I wish I would have thought of this one, but I didn't. Can't give credit to the artist because I do not know who it is. Either way I thought it was appropriate that we not take the spotlight away from our current leaders.

Monkeys Like to Pay to Play Just Like Us

2008-01-07T19:38:00.000-06:00

So it looks like even monkeys can't get a piece without the female requiring something in return. Maybe that whole evolution thing might be true. So this opens up a whole line of thinking for me, like, if monkeys had porn, would they still go through so much trouble to get laid?

People of the Year

2008-01-03T20:40:00.000-06:00

Here is a new years tribute to all of those professors and doctors that have surely touched the lives of many!!! These are all listed in no particular order. And don't worry, all of these links are work safe I promise. So check out some of the people who have touched my life, even if they didn't know it.

I swear to you, this is no joke, this was a fulfillment of a destiny
Hey what you do on the weekend is your business
What happened to don't ask don't tell? - U of Oklahoma
See, here is a real life example of it - UNC
This guy should have been a plastic surgeon
Who doesn't love a nice group of..
Not a Jew
Just don't call him Charlie
My favorite Dr. who should have been a urologist

Larry E. aka Pimpdaddy

2007-12-20T21:26:00.000-06:00

Here is a great post from Fake Steve that also happens to feature art work from yours truly. Hey at least one of us is a good writer. I guess in a perfect world I would never type, just make pictures.

Huckabee's Cross to Bear

2007-12-19T19:15:00.000-06:00

Well there was a lot of discussion about whether or not the 'cross' in the background of Huckabee's Christmas ad was intentional 'subliminal imagery'. Regardless, he mentions Jesus, so whether the cross was planned or not, is kinda moot point.

An insider that was close to the production actually mentioned that the staff considered several different background before deciding on the 'discreet cross'. My source was kind enough to pass along a few stills.

If You Smoke Pot, I Will Sell Your Toys

2007-12-16T20:23:00.000-06:00

So I dont know much about this game, but it seems somewhat hypocritical to buy your kid a game that allows him to pretend he is a rock star and then get pissed when you catch him doing dope? But then to turn around and sell the kid's toy for nine grand, that's just messed up. Maybe you should spend more time with your kid in real life.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
Livin in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
Well I'll stay skinny 'cause I just won't eat
And I'll hang out in the coolest bars
With the VIP's and the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
Today's who's who
They'll get you anything
With that evil smile
Everybody's got a
Drug dealer on speed dial well
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm just saying, that's all.

Michael Vick Starring in 'Locked Up'

2007-12-13T22:05:00.000-06:00

In a world where few friends are made, two men find love....

Who Needs A Credit Card?

2007-12-12T21:36:00.001-06:00

I read about this on FoxNews today. Apparently Wal-Mart has been selling girls panties in their junior section that have the following phrase printed on them 'Who Needs a Credit Card'. Apparently this was brought to the public's attention in large part thanks to feministing.com. Here is the quote that I think sums up the concerns of the feminist.

"There's nothing quite like telling adolescent girls that they don't need to worry about finances since they have their very own moneypot between their legs,"

They also set up a link to let Wal-Mart know how they felt. Their voice was heard, go go girl power.

Contact customer service here and corporate offices here: let them know that preteen vaginas aren't commodities.

Well the Acidgurl crew set out to design a product that is a little more discreet.

Bill's New Toy

2007-12-10T21:15:00.001-06:00

Facebook Dummy, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Hey Dummy

My Other Dog is a Rescue

2007-12-06T00:06:00.000-06:00

Look at my rescue dog. I'm such a great person!!!!

Ok, I just have to vent about this one. In my neighborhood there are very limited areas in which to walk my beautiful dog. This FORCES me to interact with the most annoying group of people I know. I like to call them 'The Rescuers'. Now, make no mistake, I love all animals, well not cats, but I digress. Anyway, I have nothing against adopting a dog from the pound. I'm not even complaining about those people. 'The Rescuers' as I call them get more pleasure from saying their dog is a rescue than actually owning a dog.

I am so fucking sick of these morons, asking me if my dog has papers, or is she purebred. First off, I normally just tell them to suck it at that point or pretend I am hearing impaired. But every now and then, I'm not paying attention, I'm focusing on keeping my dog from being raped by some useless pitbull and I get caught off guard. So there I am, does my dog have papers, what? You know is she purebred. Well I don't know Einstein what do you think? She's a big furry golden retriever, hell I can't tell her apart from the other ones, I think they all look alike, so yes, she is pure.

douche: Oh... my dog is a rescue.

me: Ok

douche: Don't you see, I rescued him, he would have been killed if it wasn't for me

me: Congratulations, if I had a medal it would be yours

douche: I just can't believe that people go to dog breeders when there are so many that can be rescued

me: what kind of car do you drive?

douche: Landrover

me: I tell him I drive a 'rescue' '03 Corolla

facebook Executive Retreat

2007-12-05T17:10:00.001-06:00

facebook executive retreat, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Soon he will have enough money to buy a new fleece

Did We Really Think This Wouldn't Come Back Up?

2007-12-02T19:47:00.000-06:00

Doe's a bear shit in the woods?

More allegations about gay sex and Larry Craig are coming out. This time a male escort is claiming that he made a few bucks off of the Idaho Senator.

From idahostatesmen.com

Four gay men, willing to put their names in print and whose allegations can't be disproved, have come forward since news of U.S. Sen. Larry Craig's guilty plea. They say they had sex with Craig or that he made a sexual advance or that he paid them unusual attention.
They are telling their stories now because they are offended by Craig's denials, including his famous statement, "I am not gay, I never have been gay." Those words, spoken on live national TV on Aug. 28, are now memorialized on a just-released-for-Christmas Talking Senator Larry Craig Action Figure.
David Phillips is a 42-year-old information technology consultant in Washington, D.C., who says Craig picked him up at a gay club in 1986 and that they subsequently had sex.
Mike Jones is a former prostitute who told the world he had sex with the Rev. Ted Haggard last year. The former Colorado Springs evangelist at first denied it but eventually confessed. Jones says Craig paid him for sex in late 2004 or early 2005.
Greg Ruth was a 24-year-old college Republican in 1981 when he says he was hit on by Craig at a Republican meeting in Coeur d'Alene.
Tom Russell, now 48, is a former Nampa resident who lives in Utah. Russell said his encounter with Craig occurred at Bogus Basin in the early 1980s.
A fifth gay man, who is from Boise but who declined to be named for fear of retaliation, offered a recent and telling account: He was in a men's restroom at Denver International Airport in September 2006 when the man in the next stall moved his hand slowly, palm up, under the divider. Alarmed, the man said he waited outside the restroom and then identified the man in the adjoining stall as Craig, whom he had met in Idaho.

One of the best lines in this piece is when Larry says that he was a victim of profiling in the airport bathroom sting. I guess that's true since they were profiling by assuming there was gay sex going on in the restroom.

Show Me Your Shlort!!!

2007-12-01T22:11:00.000-06:00

Small penises have been making headlines around the world lately. The first one comes from the UK where a flasher tried to use the 'my penis is way too small to expose myself' defense. While this might fly in Asia, it didn't look like the jury was moved by the 'underdeveloped member' enough to show mercy.

Then here, courtesy of the gossip websites, there is a picture of a more famous lil pecker on Mr. Bonadouchee. Hey, maybe the guy just got out of the pool, or a meat locker, or had another run in with a tranny. Who am I to judge. He's got great abs, he can hang is hat on that one, just not on his slim jimmy. Thanks to the reader (well actually stop sending shit like this to me) who sent this one. It was posted on Perez Hilton with a credit to this photographer Brett Mickelson

Sup Dog, We Have Not Forgotten!

2007-11-29T22:31:00.000-06:00

M Dell Reads Fake Steve Jobs Too

2007-11-27T23:04:00.001-06:00

mdell copy, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Turns out that Mr. Dell is a fan of FSJ, look he even bought a shirt!

Finally, Now I Know How to Vote!!!

2007-11-27T19:45:00.001-06:00

I have been losing sleep over this one for some time now. But luckily today it came out that Babs is endorsing Hillary Clinton. I was afraid that Barbara was going to ride the fence on this one, making it impossible for me and the rest of the public able to decide on which Democrat to put into the Oval Office. I just hope that Ben Affleck doesn't choose a different candidate because then I will really be torn.

In a related story, Oprah is prepared to support Obama. I can't go with Oprah because I just do not like the way she treats Stedman, sorry Obama.

I'm just thankful that celebrities are brave enough to stand up for what they believe in!

Surgeons have removed a massive 4.5kg hairball from the stomach of a teenager

2007-11-26T20:47:00.000-06:00

When I saw this headline, I thought it would surely be this lady, but actually, is was not. Then I threw up. This is seriously nasty.

You gotta really love eating your hair to create something like this.

Good Thing She Wasn't Gang Raped

2007-11-26T20:36:00.000-06:00

British Teacher Faces 40 Lashes for Naming Class Teddy Bear 'Muhammad'. Saw this on FoxNews, and I must say, I just wasn't all that surprised. Nothing really surprises me anymore when it comes to this subject. That's all I have to say about that.

Fun With Signs

2007-11-19T20:02:00.000-06:00

So I came across this sign as I was traveling to a shoot. Anyway, it made me laugh so I took a picture of it. I guess the point they are trying to get across is how small their cars truly are. For example in an economy car, you can fit two people, plus two headless persons. Are we to assume that the backseat is so small that only a headless person could possibly fit in the back seat?

Don't Condescend Me

2007-11-08T21:09:00.000-06:00

Ok, I really have nothing to add here. I was disappointed that in the last post I didn't think to include a picture of Mr. Pitt in his finest role ever; Floyd, the stoner from the 1993 Quentin Tarantino Film, True Romance. Anyway, here was the only picture I could find, but along the way I came across a YouTube clip of this memorable scene. I wish Brad would embrace his roots and go back to playing a stoner. Thanks Brad.

Don't condescend me, man. I'll fuckin' kill ya, man.

Here is the link if you prefer to view it on YouTube

Cookie Party

2007-11-07T20:56:00.001-06:00

dough boy, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Long story short, three guys go to buy some weed in Illinois. Two of the guys decide they are going to grab the dope and haul ass. They leave there buddy behind, and he gets tortured by the drug dealer and his posse. Here is what they did to this guy over some chronic.

They beat him with a wooden paddle
Shaved part of his head
Pissed on him, literally
But then, you are not going to believe this, they took fresh cookies out of the oven and burned the guy with them.

I guess I'm just having trouble picturing these hard ass gangsters whipping up a batch of cookies. Then thinking, I know what we will do, lets burn this mother fucker, with them cookies. Some people are really fucked in the head.

"It's Coming Right For Us!"

2007-11-05T19:01:00.000-06:00

And the douchebag of the week goes to, this woman. Check this out! Woman kills rare albino deer on opening day of hunting season in Minnesota.

"I though here was my chance of a lifetime. I had to creep a little bit, probably about 40 yards to get to a good place where I could steady myself."

This chick is hardcore, I hope a unicorn never walks past her. Hunting for sport is one thing, killing a rare animal is another. How long before PETA catches wind of this?

Hear the douche describe the experience in her own words in the video here.
Turns out, she might not even keep it after having the head mounted. She may sell it to Cabellas. Here is another link to the story for more information.

Holy Moley These Are Some Old Pervs

2007-11-02T23:52:00.000-05:00

I came across this article, and don't feel like saying much about it. But, holy shit, check out the old dudes that were busted. These certainly aren't a bunch of twinks meeting for a sex day at the mall. Sears had some hot shriveled ball action going on that day. Before March 27, 1998, this would have not been possible :)

Steve Jobs for President

2007-11-01T20:43:00.001-05:00

Fake Steve Jobs recently ran some more of AcidGurl's artwork. Check out the original post here.

Just When We Thought Robot Sex Was Weird

2007-11-01T20:25:00.001-05:00

second life, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Check out this article that talks about a secret pedophile playground in 'Second Life' virtual world. Ok, so granted, I guess in some way this is better than these creeps acting out on their sick fantasies, but come on. The bigger issue here is that everyone on that site is a LOSER, some of which also happen to be disgusting perverts that contribute absolutely nothing to society other than keeping the authorities busy. So yeah, Second Life, right, OK, these folks make Facebook and Myspace look like the cool kids in school. Actually let me rank this appropriately:

Top 5 List of Losers
5. MySpace, (kids exempt) if your age contains more than one digit and starts with anything but a '1'...loser.

4. facebook, if you are out of college and still use facebook .... loser.

3. World of Warcraft or similar, OK fine, I used to play D&D, so maybe not a loser, just lonely and lacking social skills, but definitely not cool.

2. Personal Website/Blog all about 'you' .... nobody cares dude, you are a loser. Extra douche points for using your real name as the domain name. This also includes Twitter. Like anyone really gives a shit that you are sleepy, or blue, or need to take a dump. Really don't care and certainly don't need a fucking timestamped log of your day.

1. Second Life -- you win, UBERLOSER! Get a Real Life, stop jerking off to little kids or big kids portrayed by, I guarantee you, the exact opposite of what their avatar looks like.

In Japan, Groping is Out of Hand

2007-11-01T19:53:00.001-05:00

groper cell phone, originally uploaded by acidgurl.

Who Knew Groping Was So Popular?
If you have ever seen or heard about any of the weird kinky shit that is popular in Japan, this really shouldn't surprise you.

Groping is a serious issue in major Japanese cities. Crowded public areas are prime hunting grounds for gropers.

According to Tokyo Metropolitan Police, 1,853 people were arrested for groping passengers on trains in Tokyo in 2005. Experts say harassment may be more widespread, but women are often too embarrassed to report it.

Japan is the land of technology among other things, and if you have ever been there, you will know that the use of cell phones and text messaging is fully integrated into the culture, in a way that makes your average American teenage girl look like a casual user. Now a software program has been developed to run on the phones that make it possible for Japanese women to 'assert' themselves and let the groper know that she knows what's up. This supposedly allows them to say 'NO' very quietly without making a scene. In the Japanese culture, it is not socially acceptable to make a scene, and because of this women are more inclined to just take the groping without incident. Until now! Here is a quote from the referenced article explaining this 'concept'

The application flashes increasingly threatening messages in bold print on the phone's screen, which the person groped can show to the offender: "Excuse me, did you just grope me?" "Groping is a crime," and finally, "Shall we head to the police?"

Users press an "Anger" icon in the program to progress to the next threat. A warning chime accompanies the messages.

While most things in Japan eventually make it over to the states, I think this one isn't going to be missed. American women can ward off a groper on their own, and they probably won't use polite phrases like 'pardon me, is that your hand on my ass? Perhaps you shall remove it so we do not have to involve the authorities'.

Ex-Girlfriend Takes Revenge

2007-10-27T10:18:00.000-05:00

Here is the way to go Fatal Attraction in the 2000's. This story comes from the UK were a crazy ex went through the following to get revenge on her now married ex-boyfriend.

Created phony profiles of her ex's wife on adult sites.
This included posting her actual contact information for home and work
Posted her high school year book photo

The husband of this lady started getting really pissed when strange men started calling looking for his wife. Eventually he did his own investigation and uncovered who was behind the plot. Police have now charged the crazy with harassment.

The best part of this whole story, this crazy ex has been out of the picture since 1999, that's right 8 years. Hell hath no fury.

Zuckerberg Lets Microsoft Blow a Wad on his Facebook

2007-10-25T20:45:00.001-05:00

So the kid finally let the big boys in. Blowing off Google and establishing a deal with Microsoft that sets the value of the company at $15B. This is based on Microsoft's purchase of a 1.6% stake for $240M. I give the kid credit, he held tough and more or less told everyone to suck it. Me personally, the first time someone offered me something with more than 7 digits, I would have sold out. But hey that's just me. This guy is such a cliche, starting this great business in his dorm room and then dropping out of college. When will someone future billionaire come up with a entry? Soon the kid will have enough money to replace his North Face fleece that he seems to be wearing in every freakin picture.

Bad Ass Monkeys

2007-10-24T21:30:00.000-05:00

Well, at first I wasn't going to write about this one because a man lost his life, and while I will joke about most things, I do try to draw a line when possible. But now I have two monkey incidents in as many days. The first story involves a murderous gang of monkeys. The second story involves a bunch of lewd pervert monkeys.

In India a deputy mayor was killed when he was attacked by a gang of monkeys (literally) and fell off of a balcony to his death.

Then in Nairobi a story comes out about how a troop of monkeys have been disrespecting women so badly that they have turned to dressing as a man while working in the fields to avoid harassment. Quote from the article.

Gichuki Kabukuru, a spokesman for Kenya Wildlife Service, said it was well known that monkeys and baboons have a penchant for harassing women rather than men, and even gesturing at them and touching their own private parts.

"That is quite true. I will not be able to give you a scientific explanation but it has been observed in the past," he said. "Even in our camps, when men are out on patrol and the monkeys see women and children, they will become very naughty and make lewd signs at them."

According to locals, the animals have become so aggressive that women have taken to dressing up like men, wearing trousers and long-sleeve
shirts.

Elephants Gone Wild

2007-10-23T21:46:00.001-05:00

This is sad and funny all at the same time. Recently in India, six elephants were electrocuted after a night of heavy drinking. A group of 40 elephants entered a village looking for food and ended up drinking a shitload of rice beer. This resulted in the elephants getting wasted and in the process uprooting a power pole which caused their death. Apparently this isn't that first time this has happened either. Three years ago, four elephants faced a similar demise. Question, how much beer does it take to make an elephant legally drunk?

It's Always Ugly in Philadelphia

2007-10-23T20:39:00.000-05:00

11:30 AM on a Tuesday in Philadelphia, PA, look at the person to your left, look at the person to your left, to your right, chances are at least of them is ugly. This is according to a recent article that listed Philly as the 'Ugliest City in America', not that Philly doesn't have a nice cityscape, what they are referring to is the people. But just to clarify, the editor of Travel and Leisure Magazine, who conducted the survey, wanted to make it clear that this survey doesn't mean that Philadelphia's residents are ugly, no, not at all, they are just the least attractive (in the country). See that doesn't hurt quite as bad.

The editor is also quick to point out that the attractiveness of the people only a minuscule factor in evaluating the overall merit of a town.

But hey, it gets better, The City of Brugly Love has also been honored by the American Obesity Association by placing Philadelphia in their top 10 list of fattest residents in 2000 - 2005.

Douchebag of the Week - Nas

2007-10-21T19:19:00.000-05:00

So, Nas, being the innovator that he is, is going to name his next album 'Ni@@er', not 'Ni@@a' as previously reported. This is probably one of the most douchebagable things he could do. He is obviously not afraid to exploit his heritage in order to generate publicity for an album that is almost guaranteed to suck donkey balls anyway.

And we thought it as bad when Uncle Kracker pushed the envelope...

Robot Sex Right Around the Corner

2007-10-17T20:17:00.001-05:00

I'm a little late on this one, but I just came across it while surfing the web. At first I thought this was a well written joke; however as I read on, I learned this guy was serious. This is probably the best article I have read for a long time for several reasons.

1. It predicts primitive robot relations in the next five years.

This will start off a bit rough at first. Apparently it will be more like a glorified blow up doll with vibration and suction features.

2. It predicts that by 2050 not only will we be doing the nasty with robots, but we may be exchanging vows with them as well.

The best part about this is that this guy from the Netherlands picks Massachusetts as the first place to legalize Humanoid Marriage. That is fucking awesome, go Patriots!

3. The writer who wrote this as his thesis statement successfully defended it this month

I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I assume it means they gave him his degree. I would hate to see what this dude is up to in his free time.

4. The writer suggests that ‘robot ethics’ will have to become a social issue

You know there will be some moron out there that starts the first PETR. This guy is suggesting that there will be social issues to iron out and while he doesn’t come out and say it, it is obvious that he thinks these machines will have rights. This will be a fun one to watch, because you better believe if I ever purchase a robot to be my personal sex slave, I'm not going to worry about whether or not the machine is fulfilling all of its life goals.

5. Think of the less obvious benefits

The article suggests that the other social benefits could come from this as well. Imagine a robot hooker that could sterilize her holes after every John. They even suggest the possibility of ‘treating’ pedophilia with child size robots. That’s all I’m going to say about that yucky.

There won’t be as many coyote ugly mornings. I think this quote from the article sums it up nicely

The main benefit of human-robot marriage could be to make people who otherwise could not get married happier, "people who find it hard to form relationships, because they are extremely shy, or have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities," Levy said. "Of course, such people who completely give up the idea of forming relationships with other people are going to be few and far between, but they will be out there."

Plus, pimps are going to look more like Bill Gates than Huggie Bear

Typical Pimp

Robot Pimp

Robot Sex Preview

2007-10-17T19:55:00.000-05:00

Well I pulled some strings and was able to get a few sound bytes of the sex robot programs betas. Check them out.

Dirty Robot Girl
YouTube link

Dominatrix Robot
YouTube Link

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Hugo is Super Jealous

2007-10-17T07:50:00.000-05:00

Apparently Mahmoud Ahmadinejad isn't satisfied with Hugo Chavez alone, now he's flirting with Putin. Putin is leaning more and more toward aligning with Iran. Mahmoud, or Mahmmi as Putin likes to call him can be very convincing.

See here, photo courtesy of Foxnews

The Real Life 'Cartman's Mom'

2007-10-12T12:10:00.000-05:00

So it turns out the crazy PA kid was given at least part of his arsenal by his mother. His dad tried to buy him a gun too in 2005, but was turned down because he was a felon.

"But Mommmm. I need more guns, all of the other kids have guns. Mammmm." "Ok, poopykins, but just this one time". "Who is the best mom in the world".

Five signs that your boy shouldn't be given a gun.

He regularly gets the crap kicked out him by his peers

He is home schooled simply because he doesn't fit in

He fantasizes about creating mayhem instead of naked woman (or men if that's what he's into)

People say things about your son like, 'that boy ain't right', 'he's a few cards short of a full deck', 'his elevator don't quite go up to the top floors', or 'that boy scares me'

He is persuasive enough to convince you that he needs an arsenal

Ann Cuntwhore Speaks Again

2007-10-12T06:51:00.000-05:00

This chick just doesn't know when to keep her cock trap shut. I got a good laugh when she called Edwards the 'F' word, but this was just a moronic statement.

Welcome to the IMPROV, now coming to the stage... Ann Cuntwhore.
Hey guys, wow, great crowd. So heres one for you, what do you call a perfected Jew? Anybody, anybody? A Christian!!! Ha ha ha, I kill me!!!

Rice Accuses Iran of Lying About it's Nuclear Intentions

2007-10-11T21:38:00.000-05:00

Not that this is a shocker, but Condie came out and said it.

"There is an Iranian history of obfuscation and, indeed, lying to the IAEA," she said, referring to the International Atomic Energy Agency.

For those of you like myself who learned a new word today its meaning is: o-b-f-u-s-c-a-t-i-o-n, obfuscation,

1 a : DARKEN b : to make obscure <obfuscate the issue>
2 : CONFUSE <obfuscate the reader>
intransitive verb : to be evasive, unclear, or confusing .

Thank you m-w.com

Not to be outdone, Mahmoud says, "it's all a big misunderstanding, we just want more electricity, not nukes!"

Finally Putin chimes in "Russia has way too much financial interest in Iran to even consider, I mean we do not see any evidence of the pursuit of nuclear weapons, therefore, we must carry on as if there is no intent"

Snoop Dogg Sentenced to Pick Up Trash

2007-10-11T21:36:00.000-05:00

See this tidbit here from FoxNews. This is the punishment stemming from a weapons charge.

1-2-3 and to the 4 SnoopDoggy Dogg is pickin up trash outside your door.

Maybe they should make him clean up some of the trash that is passing as rap and hip hop lately. That would be a bigger benefit to society as a whole. Back to the good old days when rap actually had a rhyme scheme instead of just trying to find how many words can ryhme with ho.

Fake Steve Features Acid Gurl Clipartistry

2007-10-11T12:09:00.000-05:00

A buddy of mine sent this link to me and I was glad to see it. I've provided clipartistry for FSJ a few times, but this is one of my favorite creations.

See the article here

That Sure Did Not Take Long

2007-10-10T19:58:00.000-05:00

Well I guess I called it the other day, so Fairplay decides to sue. See the FoxNews report for more info.

Introducing Mr. & Mr. Hugo Ahmadinejad

2007-10-10T12:15:00.000-05:00

The terrible twosome was recently spotted at an unspecified nightspot on the outskirts of Caracas. 'We hate Jews, America, and freedom, what else does our relationship need?' Shortly thereafter, Hugo was allegedly overheard saying, 'I'll tell you what I need' and then whispered something into Mahmoud's ear, causing both men to laugh and quickly exit the club. We wish the happy couple the best of luck in the plans to overthrown the infidel.

Danny Bonadouchee Avoids Jail Time in the Dental Mutilation of Johnny Fairplay

2007-10-08T17:00:00.000-05:00

Danny Bonadouchee won't be charged in dental mutilation of the even larger attention whore 'Johnny Fairplay'. I'm sure there is a lawsuit in the works!

Apparently, Johnny decided to do his trademark humping move on bdouchee, and Danny wasn't having it. If Fairplay ever caught a glimpse of Danny's reality show, he would have known that it's probably a bad idea to fuck with Danny. The good news is that Johnny made it through the 2.5 hours of dental surgery with flying colors. He is reported to have even splurged and got the grill of his dreams while he was there.

This is a must see video.

Here is the link or watch the embedded video below.

License to Kim Jong-il

2007-10-05T21:07:00.000-05:00

This guy is a great character. Check out this article where he claims to be an 'internet expert'. This is a quote from the AP article...

"North Korea is one of the world's most closed nations, with the totalitarian regime tightly controlling outside information and tolerating no dissent. Radios and TV sets in North Korea can only receive state broadcasts and ordinary people are banned from using mobile phones, let alone the Internet.

However, the country's ruling elite appear to have regular access to outside information.

Kim reportedly asked former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright for her e-mail address when she visited Pyongyang in 2000. A North Korean general cracked a joke about President Bush during high-level military talks with the South earlier this year, saying he read it on the Internet.

The North's leader is also a big fan of South Korean movies and TV dramas, and Roh gave him a bookcase of South Korean DVDs as a gift this week."

He's just a freaky little fella. I'm sure his internet usage never includes anything of a pornographic nature.

Say It Isn't So

2007-10-05T07:07:00.000-05:00

Marion, what were you thinking ??

Craig to Stay

2007-10-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

So Larry 'I'm not gay' Craig just refuses to crawl into the shadows with any remaining shred of dignity. See this FoxNews article.

Let me paraphrase... 'I know I said I was guilty, but I didn't mean it, did you hear me when I said I'm not gay!'

I'm surprised he hasn't developed a conspriacy theory that he was setup by the environmentalists who are trying to allow salmon to return to their historical spawning grounds in the Snake River.

Well Larry, we think there is another reason that you were busted.

One More then I'm Moving On

2007-10-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

I can promise, this will not be the last South Park reference.

Hey Kanye - You're an Amazing Douche

2007-09-29T22:13:00.000-05:00

Jeez man, is it not enough that you have a top album and loads of dough in the bank. Now you've gone and really stepped it up a notch! Your a sore loser that throws a fit because you didn't win anything that you were nominated for. Maybe people are just getting tired of your whiny ass. As JT would say (who I believe did win an award or two, probably just because he is white, right?), cry me a river, you bitch.

The Tapping Was Totally Misunderstood

2007-09-28T06:43:00.000-05:00

I was just working out a new number while also working on a number two! I'm not gay!

Maybe I'm Just Jealous

2007-09-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

But that won't stop me from poking fun at him. Last week Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook (or My Lil CEO as I like to call him) basically said that his company is worth $15,000,000,000. Not too bad for a 23 year old college dropout. What is it about Harvard that prevents them from graduating their top computer nerds?

Microsoft has expressed interest most recently. Anyway, I watched his F8 rollout speech after seeing it mentioned on FSJ. The poor kid just looked so awkward that it reminded me of a high schooler who had recited a very deliberately rehearsed speech. Here is the original version, and here is my take on it.